It is incredible how four years can pass in a blink of an eye, but that deep ache in your heart from missing someone never quites heals. I am typing this from the house in which Jay's mom passed away four years ago today. It feels stranger yet as the election is brewing as it was four years ago that I was able to tell Jeanne, before she passed, that the US elected their first Aftrican American President. If felt good for her to know that before she was gone for some reason. Like, if this terrible thing is going to happen at least she can have that last gift. It would have meant something to her.
I know if my heart aches like this, Jay and Beth's can only hurt 10 times more. I'm so happy that they have each other to share all their memories of the way she did this, or laughed with them about this or that, or how special she made each part of their lives.
The thing that I miss most of all is something I never had, which seems strange. I miss her laughing at the random goofy southern accent that Erin was perfecting at dinner last night. I miss her saying how beautiful Sam's blue eyes are and how he crawls around so fast just like Jason did. (which I can only assume) I miss her scooping Ruby up and squeezing her tight and saying how much she loves her while playing with her bouncy curls.
I miss Grandma Jeanne.